I'm Tired

For the last 5 plus months, I have been living in Malawi, halfway around the world from the Pacific Northwest that I call home. Many of you reading this now have probably read about my time here at some point. If you have, you know that my blog posts have been mostly narratives of my journey and adventures, not deep, insightful, politically-leaning, current event-charged posts. That's not to say I haven't been following, or at least attempting to follow, current world events. Frankly, it has been hard not to. When you work with an NGO, the majority of expats tend to be well read. They also tend to have differing opinions than mine. It makes for interesting conversations. We had conversations about the pros and cons of continuing to search for Malaysia Airlines 370. Dinner conversation included the difference between containment and treatment of Ebola. Not only did I receive a crash course into the world of public health, I had, and listened to, more discussions regarding world events than usual. Observing current events from an outside perspective has been a unique experience. I wasn't constantly bombarded by media, yet I tried to read and keep up as much as possible.

Guys and gals, I'm tired.

I'm tired of white privilege
I'm tired of male privilege
I'm tired of guilt
I'm tired of middle/upper-class, straight, white, males pretending like there aren't problems
I'm tired of identifying people by sex, race, sexual orientation, and profession
I'm tired of judging others
I'm tired of everyone pretending they don't do the same
I'm tired of people dying
I'm tired of misuse of police power
I'm tired of the rare instance seeming the norm
I'm tired of not knowing if it actually is the norm
I'm tired of not complying
I'm tired of jumping to conclusions
I'm tired of guilty until proven innocent
I'm tired of not indicting
I'm tired of irresponsible protests
I'm tired of people thinking Africa is a country
I'm tired of the west seemingly not caring about Ebola anymore
I'm tired of the their ignorance when they did
I'm tired of boys raping women
I'm tired of calling rape sexual assault
I'm tired of boys harassing women
I'm tired of boys giving inappropriate attention to women
I'm tired of girls dressing for attention and being confused when they get it
I'm tired of women not feeling safe
I'm tired of porn
I'm tired of fraternities endorsing a culture of rape
I'm tired of the negative aspects of fraternities being picked apart
I'm tired of a poor journalistic effort taking the focus off of the major issue of rape on college campuses
I'm tired of fraternities not better emphasizing community involvement
I'm tired of sororities not getting a share of the blame
I'm tired of being told paying for dinner and opening doors is sexist
I'm tired of women expecting men to provide
I'm tired of men feeling they must provide for women
I'm tired of republicans
I'm tired of democrats
I'm tired of trying to be a moderate
I'm tired of a potential Bush v Clinton 2016
I'm tired of failing to compromise
I'm tired of $15 minimum wages
I'm tired of kids not working
I'm tired of the shrinking middle-class
I'm tired of people telling others who they can marry
I'm tired of private businesses not being able to refuse service for religious purposes
I'm tired of abortion
I'm tired of preaching abstinence to the masses
I'm tired of national debt
I'm tired of overspending
I'm tired not funding education reform
I'm tired of calls for smaller class sizes
I'm tired of not paying teachers more
I'm tired of not buying new books and supplies
I'm tired of school shootings
I'm tired of kids not feeling safe
I'm tired of ISIS and Boko Haram and the Taliban
I'm tired of Islam being misused for terror
I'm tired of people removing God from the conversation
I'm tired of atheists pushing their beliefs into schools
I'm tired of the either/or when it comes to God and evolution
I'm tired of religion causing wars
I'm tired of Christianity being a culture thing and not a soul thing
I'm tired of the Church seeming to care more about preventing love than providing it
I'm tired of Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian
I'm tired of a lack of personal responsibility
I'm tired of not seeing love

I'm tired of it all. We seem to be moving farther and farther apart from each other, when we need to be moving closer together. We have decided everybody must clearly step to one side of the line or the other. But if you do, those already there do their best to suck you further and further from the line, further polarizing the issue. I don't expect many to agree with my opinions, heck, they don't agree with themselves. Being upper middle-class, white, straight, Christian, and male makes me, well, I don't know. Privileged, inherently ignorant, conservative, part of the problem. That is what I hear from the media. I can't be proud of my social class. I can't be proud to be white. I can't be proud to be straight. I can't be proud to be Christian. I can't be proud to be male. If I am, well, I'm an ass. Because to be proud of any of those traits is to be use the definition of proud synonymous with arrogant, pompous, and conceited, not the proud associated with the pleasure of one's qualities. Not being able to be proud is because I already have white privilege.

I get that. I'm okay with that. I don't need to stand up for my rights because I already have more opportunities than the vast majority of citizens in the same country. What I am not okay with, is using white privilege to fuel white guilt. Feel free to insert male, upper-class, straight, or Christian for white. Action due to guilt is no better than inaction due to ignorance. Action due to guilt is not action of love, it is action in search a reward. I do not feel guilty for white privilege because there is nothing I could have done to avoid inheriting it. I cannot atone for the sins of past generations which created a broken and unjust social and economic system. What I can do is admit white privilege exists and acknowledge I have been a benefactor of the system. Doing so does not diminish my accomplishments. It does not lessen the amount of hard work that I have poured into my education and life passions. What it does is recognize that the system is broken. That to give my life different inherited circumstances, but the same amount of work and effort, would change the outcome. I can also be an ally. To be honest, I don't know what that looks like. But I know it starts with love.

In 1992, after the LA riots, Garth Brooks released "We Shall be Free" and though we have made progress since then, it still rings true today. This fall he released "People Loving People", the action required to see the world described his song from 22 years ago.